Three Types of Communication
Assertive - “I” statements, expresses ideas without violating or putting down others,
honest and self-respecting while respecting others, direct but tactful
Aggressive - “You” statements, expresses own rights at expense of others, intent
to humiliate, to “get even,” puts others down, honest without tact
Non-Assertive - Avoids conflict at all costs, lets others “take over”, fear of not being
liked, afraid of conflict, lacks confidence, fearful of disapproval
The Two Sides of Conflict
The Good Side When Handled Effectively The Bad Side When Handled Ineffectively
One is part of the solution One is part of the problem
Increased productivity Decreased productivity
Leads to positive change Leads to negative change
Increases awareness of self & others Leads to limited self/other awareness
Leads to growth Leads to inflexibility and rigidity
Increases self- esteem Decreases self-esteem
Creates camaraderie and morale Lowers morale and teamwork
One learns forgiveness and tolerance One bears grudges and is resentful
Respectful of others Disrespectful of others
You have self control Others control you
Leads to group cohesiveness, “we” focus Leads to group splintering
Do’s and Don’ts of Handling Conflict
Don’t Do
Get in a power struggle, overpower Maintain self control while helping
Try to change others Change the way you react
Say “you” statements Use “I” statements
Get hostile Be Forgiving
Focus on the person Focus on the problem
“Awfulize” Look at things rationally
Look for the bad in others Look for the good in others
Hold grudges Forgive, heal resentments
Be defensive Be open-minded and flexible
Be part of the problem Be part of the solution
Judge others Be accepting of others
Be sarcastic Use Humor
Act impulsively Be response-able!
Credit - Judith Belmont, M.S., L.P.C.